I often listen people saying that they have tried over and over again to reach their goals and when they feel certain that “this time I will make it”, something happens and they go right back to point cero, leaving them with disappointment and with the “final” decision of never trying ever again.
As Einstein said: “Crazy is doing the same things the same way, yet expecting a different outcome”, so I guess there are a lot of craziness going on resulting in sad and frustrated people. Allow me to share with you what I believe will be the steps to end all madness and bring serenity, structure and most importantly, meeting your goal once and for all.
Before we get started, just please keep in mind that it doesn’t matter how many strategies, list, steps, etc. comes your way if you don’t make the serious and conscious decision to get stick to it and really do it!
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about longevity – its impact on the modern workplace, our leaders, our health. All thoughts prompted by a great book called The 100 Year Life by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott.
And it’s funny how, as I’ve allowed this particular thread
to lead me hither and thither, I’m increasingly struck by the sense that this
brave new world perhaps isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I embrace my inner “grumpy
old man” a little to easily, but bear with me.
Well being or being well?
As someone who works in learning, I’m very aware of our
propensity, as learning professionals, to be taken in by the latest “shiny”
thing, and I think it’s fair to say that wellbeing, mental health awareness,
mindfulness and resiliance training are the sparkly new kids on the block…
And whilst I’m unconvinced by the claimed benefits of these “interventions”(which, by the way, is something only the UN should do) there’s a serious question to be asked about why, it would seem, people are so unhappy? According to the Trading Economics website, the average weekly hours worked in the UK are 32 – so we aren’t working ourselves into an early grave – and whilst we’re being sombre, the suicide rate is at its lowest for 30 years according to the Samaritans.
Yet, all I hear is how stressed people are, how much they
have to do and how little time they have to do it in. So, clearly, there’s a disconnect somewhere.
The key question being – where? Which made me wonder if our problem is one of quantity
Have you ever heard or met “a Master in resolving conflicts”? No. Well, you might be one yourself.
Weare all Master of something
Like in every other aspect in life we can become experts in
any field, by doing something right for a long time, changing your wrongs into
rights to a point where you can give advice, create awareness, provide recommendations,
or even give instructions on subjects that we master.
When it comes to conflicts, especially in the working environment, a leader should not become a Master in resolving those conflicts but rather a Master in avoiding, stopping, reducing the possibilities for such conflicts to occur.
Now, please don’t get me wrong, they will always be conflicts but in the same way a leader is prepared to resolve them his concern should be creating a team environment where conflicts are less.
I had leaders who created conflicts and that is even worse.
They say it allowed different ideas to be known and keeps team on their feet.
In my opinion that could not be further away from the truth, such leaders are
only creating several momentums that will unavoidable end up in good valuable
members of the team to leave and restrain new eligible ones to join.
serious disagreement or argument if not handled on time, can linger to
the point that it blocks creativity, participation and obviously there goes
teamwork through the window. For me the biggest and most important part of
resolving any conflict is not in how good communicator you are as how great
listener you are.
When you really listen others is when the magic starts. The conflict might not be generated by what is being said but by what is not being said and in that case, if you are not paying attention you will always face the same issue no matter how well you think you handled it.
will also allow you to find the root cause and eliminate it once and for all
making you a real Master in resolving conflicts.
The last time I blogged, I introduced you to “The 100 Year Life” a fantastic book, introducing a brave new world of longevity. Its theme being, that today’s youth can expect to live beyond 100 years of age – the key word there being expect – which in turn means our current three stage model of education, work, retire, is outdated.
The aim of my last missive was to ask how this impacts on our current leaders and what they need to do in order to flex their style and fit this new world order, focusing on an increase in empathy, the introduction of “strategic altruism” and the application of “beginners mind” to their thinking – if you missed it here’s a link.
But what about those who find themselves at the beginning of this journey? Can you imagine being an 18 year old faced with the prospect of living for another 80+ years? How do you even begin to think about planning to prepare for that?
I’m reading a fantastic book at the minute – and by fantastic, I mean terrifying! It’s called “The 100 Year Life” and as the title suggests it deals with the fact that our every increasing longevity, whilst a gift, will only be so if we seek to challenge our preconceptions about how that life is structured.
In short, and I really am paraphrasing, the authors explain
that anyone in their late teens/early twenties can expect to live to the ripe
old age of 106! This means that our current three stage “life model” of
education, work and retirement is no longer valid or realistic.
It’s a great read, and one I’d highly recommend. The
terrifying part came when I started to think about what that meant for me – and
the challenge for business and how it approaches leadership – when I think
about “my” generation and the space they inhabit.
I am publishing today with great amusement. One, because today we reach the 150th posts milestone and also because it is the first leadership journey I publish and from someone I really admire as a professional.
Despina and I met a couple of years ago when I was leading a project related to fleet monitoring. I was very impressed by her passion about the business, knowledge and also her leadership skills and gravitas very evident in every interaction we had. On a personal level, me being the father of a young lady (and I related this to my previous post – (Dreams I Dream for my Daughter. A Successful Business Woman). who aspires to be a business woman, Despina also became famous in my place because of her drive on topics related to Diversity and Inclusion and to empower women in shipping – historically a predominately male-dominated business. She’s someone who my daughter looks up to as role model.
I am glad women like Despina has taken such discussions and I can honestly see things changing in the world. This gives me peace of mind thinking that that when my lovely daughter enters in the labour market, she will be a professional measured, get paid and promoted based on her education, skills and most importantly, performance and professionalism, without gender being in any way a factor.
I’m not sure about you but I’m better at giving advice than receiving
it. My privilege as a trainer and performance coach is to be able to fall back
on “do as I say, not as I do”. This is not something I’m particularly proud of
and nor is it something I want to admit to those I work with. I console myself,
professionally at least, with the fact that my diagnostic skills lie in helping
others and not myself. It also can’t be very helpful for anyone with the unenviable
task of being my coach.
Recently, however, I was offered some advice and in spite of
my habit, I took it. Surprisingly, to me anyway, the shift in awareness it
provoked has rippled through my whole life. My own coach is a mindfulness expert
and while we don’t spend too much time on this topic she set me a related task.
I was to take an everyday activity and be fully in it as I perform it, noticing
the sensations provoked by the experience.
Now, I’m not good at doing what I’m told. I will find ingenious ways not to do the homework I’ve been set (the French “devoir” always seemed a much more appropriate name). But over the Christmas break I had little excuse not to do one of the two very simple requests made of me.
In Biblical terms, the four horsemen of the Apocalypse were Pestilence, Famine, War and Death. An American psychologist, Dr John Gottman, who researches divorce and its causation, identifies four new horse riders that he names Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling. The adverse impact of these behaviours apply in organisational leadership just as much as marital relationships.